Fantastic Fruit Bars: Improvisational Cookery

We can't end our week with Amazing Magical Jell-o Desserts without having at least one ★-rated recipe "for children with more cooking skills." The fine folk at General Foods seem to think that more cooking skills translates into better improvisational choices, so there's more freedom in this recipe than the others we've looked at.

This freedom might come in handy this weekend, if you're on the East Coast of the U.S., and stuck inside waiting out Hurricane Irene -- you can mix up flavors to suit your tastes and your pantry supplies. Of course, if you're still standing in line at the grocery store, you could ask the nice person behind you to watch your cart while you run to get the ingredients, and then you can plan a little more specifically.

★ Fantastic Fruit Bars

THESE GO IN:
1 cup graham cracker or vanilla wafer crumbs
1/4 cup melted butter or margarine
2 packages (3 oz. each) Jell-O brand orange, lemon or peach flavor gelatin*
1 cup boiling water
1/2 cup light corn syrup
1 cup chopped dried apricots or prunes or chopped mixed dried fruits*
1 teaspoon grated lemon or orange rind (optional)*

GET THESE READY:
1-cup dry measure
1-cup liquid measure
small saucepan
medium bowl
measuring spoons
9-inch square pan
small knife

HOW TO MAKE IT:

1. Combine crumbs and melted butter; sprinkle 1/2 cup ccrumb mixture over bottom of a 9-inch square pan.
2. Dissolve gelatin in boiling water.
3. Stir in corn syrup, fruit and rind. Chill until slightly thickened.
4. Pour into pan over crumbs; sprinkle with remaining crumbs. Chill until firm, about 3 hours.
5. Cut into bars; store in refrigerator. (Bars hold well at room temperature for several hours.) Makes 20 confections.

*Suggested combinations: Orange flavor gelatin with apricots and orange rind. Lemon flavor gelatin with prunes and lemon rind. Peach flavor gelatin with mixed fruit; omit rind.

They're not coddling kids here: they recommend prunes. Prunes! Instead of raisins! You could use raisins. Or sultanas. Or Craisins. Or...any other dried fruit. Dried blueberries with Berry Blue Jell-O -- why not! Okay, other than my firm belief that food is not nor should it be blue. Regardless, we have a lot more flavor options in the gelatin world these days than we did back in the 70s, so branch out. If the idea of finding a flavor on a cookie tray doesn't make you hurl, try it here.

If I were writing this recipe, I'd change the order of the HOW TO MAKE IT so that you'd do step 2, step 3, and then step 1 -- there's no need for you to make the crust before making the gelatin, and you're going to have some time to twiddle your thumbs as the gelatin thickens slightly. This thumb twiddling time is the perfect time to throw a sleeve of graham crackers in a heavy duty zip top bag and start bashing the crap out of it.

It is entirely acceptable to use pre-crushed, comes-in-a-box-as-crumbs graham cracker crumbs. It is easier to measure, as there's no guess work as to how many crackers you'd need to whack. (We're full service here: 14 graham crackers make a cup of crumbs. You're welcome.) I do have a box of said crumbs on my shelf, in case I get a hankering to make a seven layer cookie. No shame.

Stay safe, folks. It's going to be a heck of a weekend, weather-wise. We'll be back with a new cookbook tomorrow.

Dazzling Easter Eggs: Doing It Old School

When I was a kid, we had finger Jell-O -- Jell-O and Knox gelatin in a 9x13 pan, that you could slice and eat, well, with your fingers. Years later, Jell-O started marketing Jell-o Jigglers which, if I understand correctly, involved just less water and no extra gelatin. I'm sure my mom's way is best, but I did think the Jigglers approach had one thing going for it: a related proliferation of egg-shaped molds, so you could have Jell-O Easter eggs. Amazing Magical Jell-o Desserts has a more old-school approach to the task.

♦ Dazzling Easter Eggs

THESE GO IN:
8 eggs
1 package (3 oz.) Jell-O brand gelatin, any flavor
1 cup boiling water
1/2 cup milk

GET THESE READY:
skewer or cake tester
mixing bowl
wire whip or fork
1-cup liquid measure
mixing spoon

HOW TO MAKE IT:

1. Using a skewer or cake tester, make a 1/2-inch hole in one end of each egg shell. Shake eggs out of shells, reserving 1 egg. (Use remaining eggs at another time.)
2. Rinse shells thoroughly with cold water and place in an egg carton.
3. Beat reserved egg slightly; blend in gelatin. Add boiling water and stir until gelatin is dissolved.
4. Add milk and pour carefully into egg shells. Chill until firm, about 4 hours.
5. Crack shells slightly, dip quickly in warm water and peel off shells.
6. Arrange "eggs" in nests of green-tinted Baker's Angel Flake coconut, if desired. Makes 8 "eggs" or 4 servings.

Darned tootin'.

Do not fear the raw egg -- when you add in the boiling water, you're cooking the egg enough to take care of any oddness. The egg shell, however, might still have oddness. If you've a delicate system for any reason, you'll want to sterilize the shells. You could boil them. I'm fairly certain you could bake them. And, according to the internet, microwaving might also do the trick. Me, I like to live on the edge, and would use 'em rinsed with cold water.

Pour the boiling water in slowly, and stir the whole time, or you're risk scrambling the eggs.

I'm charmed by the last point of the list. The eggs are "eggs," but the nest is just a nest, even though I've yet to see any creature make a bed or a home out of flaked coconut, green tint or no. Though, the idea has delicious potential.

Halloween Pie: No Bake Pumpkin Pie -- Really!

My nephew out in Oregon -- Jamie -- is a big, big fan of pumpkin pie. When it comes to his birthday, he requests a "pumpkin pie cake"...in March! Now, I'm always happy to bake a pumpkin pie, but I understand that some people freak out at the thought of baking, especially custard pies, so I appreciate that there may be call for a no-bake option. Today's recipe from Amazing Magical Jell-o Desserts is about as simple a no-bake pie as you (or your older children) can get.

♦ Halloween Pie

THESE GO IN:
1 package (6-serving size) Jell-O brand vanilla flavor instant pudding and pie filling
1 can (16 oz.) pumpkin
1 cup cold milk
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg*
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger*
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon*
1 baked 9-inch graham cracker crumb crust, cooled
1 container (4 1/2 oz.) Birds Eye Cool whip non-dairy whipped topping, thawed

* Or use 1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice.

GET THESE READY:
9-inch pie plate
mixing bowl
mixing spoon
electric mixer or hand beater
1-cup liquid measure
1-cup dry measure
measuring spoons
wax paper
metal spatula

HOW TO MAKE IT:

1. Combine pie filling mix, pumpkin, milk, and spices in bowl.
   
2. Mix slowly with electric mixer or hand beater just until blended, about 1 minute.
   
3. Fold in 1 cup of the whipped topping.
   
4. Spoon into pie shell. Chill until set, at least 2 hours.
   
5. Garnish with remaining whipped topping. (To make "face," cut pieces of wax paper in shape of eyes, nose and mouth and place on pie filling. Spread whipped topping around papers; then remove papers. Garnish with candy corn to resemble teeth.)

Buy a pre-made crumb crust and you're in no-bake land. I really want you to think about getting a gingersnap crumb crust. Or a chocolate one. Oh, yes.

I'm trying to puzzle out the call for a 1-cup dry measure -- my best guess is they want you to treat the Cool Whip as a dry ingredient, which seems more than a bit strange to me, but you know what? Your wet measure is dirty from the milk, so might as well use another measuring cup for the Cool Whip. Go for it.

This cookbook is so precise about listing out every little thing you might need that I find it odd that they don't list out candy corn in the "These Go In" list. Of course, you could just have your mouth stencil have teeth on it...

Do I have to point out here that you should use straight canned pumpkin, and not canned pumpkin pie filling? Don't use that canned pumpkin pie filling. Ever. You can spice your own darned pumpkin, boys and girls. You can.

Banana Wobbler: Everything Else Is Shaking, So Why Not?

Great googly moogly, we had an earthquake here today! For those of you not familiar with the mid-Atlantic region of the US, DC is a couple hour's drive away from the epicenter. There was some (thankfully limited) damage to the National Cathedral up the road, but everything chez nous is safe and content. That being said, I had to change up my Amazing Magical Jell-o Desserts plans a bit to reference the incredibly out of the norm occurrence -- no matter if the world rumbles or no, Jell-O will jiggle and wobble.

♦ Banana Wobbler

THESE GO IN:
1 package (3 oz.) Jell-O brand gelatin, any flavor
1 cup boiling water
1/2 cup cold water
2 medium bananas, cut in half
Lemon juice
Shoestring licorice

GET THESE READY:
3 empty 6-ounce juice cans
mixing bowl
1-cup liquid measure
mixing spoon
paring knife

HOW TO MAKE IT:

1. Dissolve gelatin in boiling water. Add cold water and chill until thickened.
2. Place a spoonful of gelatin in each of 3 empty 6-ounce cans.
3. Center the banana halves and spoon remaining gelatin around bananas.
4. Chill until firm, about 2 hours. (Dip remaining banana half in lemon juice; set aside for another dessert.)
5. Dip each can to the rim in warm water, invert onto plate, puncture bottom and lift off can.
6. Insert piece of licorice in one end of each mold to resemble firecracker. Makes three servings.

I have never once felt a need to eat a firecracker. That being said, how cool would this be for an Itchy & Scratchy/Simpsons-themed gathering? Also, I adore licorice, so even though I'm skeptical about pairing it with banana and random Jell-O, I'm willing to give it a try. This is our first "appeals to older children" recipe, and it is a good deal fussier than the others featured this week.

You may have noticed some weird little cartoons in the bottom corners of pictures this week. They're part of two different flip books! The right-hand pages show a boy eating a dessert until it's gone; the left-hand pages show a rabbit escaping a magician's hat. There's also tons of magic tricks throughout the book, which helps explain the cover art somewhat. They're "magic tricks by Marvello the Great." If anyone's really eager, I'll post a magic trick before we're done this week. For now, though, I'm going to sign off, have some pizza, cuddle my dog, and remember that earthquakes are really, really rare here, and we're all safe.

Cherry Cola Cooler: Pop, Soda, Coke

Back in June, I posted a recipe for a cherry Coke salad, and made mention of a similar recipe from a remembered cookbook from my youth. Lo and behold, that book is this week's Amazing Magical Jell-o Desserts and it seems like it's altogether appropriate to feature the recipe that triggered the memory.

I'll admit: I waffled a bit though. I mean, more than one eggnog recipe, sure. More than one way to roast a turkey? Of course. Five different sugar cookie variations? It's only natural. But two cherry Coke Jell-O dishes? It seems a bit...indulgent. But I asked Kelly which recipes she thought I should write about this week, and she immediately said the cherry Coke one. Far be it from me to say no to my sister (at least when her dictates nicely coincide with my wants).

♥ Cherry Cola Cooler

THESE GO IN:
1 package (3 oz.) Jell-O brand cherry flavor gelatin
1 cup boiling water
1 cup cola beverage

GET THESE READY:
mixing bowl
1-cup liquid measure
mixing spoon
4 small glasses

HOW TO MAKE IT:

1. Dissolve gelatin in boiling water. Add cola beverage.
2. Pour into small soda glasses or individual dessert dishes.
3. Chill until set, about 1 hour. Garnish with thawed Birds Eye Cool Whip non-dairy whipped topping and maraschino cherries, if desired. Makes about 2 cups or 4 servings.

It's another ♥ recipe, so think about your preschoolers. Or preschoolers in general. Whatever...it's an easy recipe.

I know I normally take a moment to tell you to use better ingredients, but I'm not going to say a bad word about Cool Whip. I love Cool Whip. It's not a substitute for whipped cream for me; it's an entirely different substance with different applications. For example: whipped cream goes on mincemeat pie, Cool Whip on pumpkin pie. There's an order to the universe.

When this cookbook came out, Cool Whip was just 10 years old. Back then, it was made by Birds Eye -- which makes some sense, as Birds Eye was the really super nifty division of General Foods that was all about revolutionizing frozen foods. Cool Whip: a revolutionary dessert topping. Cool Whip: totally okay to dollop on your cherry cola cooler.

And, no, that's not a paid endorsement. I just loves me some Cool Whip. (If you're hearing Stewie Griffin in your head right now...you're welcome.)

Since we're taking the time to talk brands here, I want to say flat out that I think you should use honest-to-goodness Coca-Cola in this treat. Why? Because I just think it tastes better. It tastes more like a soda fountain. It tastes more like...well, what I think Pop Shoppe cola must have tasted like, and I was a kid who was enthralled at the idea of Pop Shoppe pop. I was a rabid watcher of Ramblin' Rod growing up as I did in the Portland area in the 70s, and Ramblin' Rod gave birthday boys and girls Pop Shoppe pop. It seemed important. It seemed magical. It seemed good. Helluva good bit of promotion, there, ye olde Pop Shoppe.

And, yes. I called it pop. I call it soda now, but that shift only happened once I moved to DC (21 years ago this week!). My dad has held on to "pop" longer, but he calls it "soda pop." No one in my family has ever called anything other than a Coke a Coke, though, so I haven't lost all my sparkling soft drink lingo to the South.

Yet.

Sunny Whip: Electrical Appliances and Kids

My mom's electric mixer was avocado green. The cord unplugged from the mixer, and, once bent back against itself into a tidy bundle, it slipped into an old toilet paper tube which had been covered with little squares of tissue paper and white glue. I'm pretty sure my sister made that, not me, but I can remember every bump of it.

I loved that mixer, and everything associated with it. Do parents still let their small kids use electrical appliances in the kitchen?

Today's Amazing Magical Jell-o Desserts recipe is flagged with a ♥, so we know that at least in the 70s, this was thought of as a "preschoolers can do it, under supervision" recipe.

♥ Sunny Whip

THESE GO IN:
1 package (3 oz.) Jell-O brand orange flavor gelatin
1 cup boiling water
3/4 cup cold orange juice

GET THESE READY
mixing bowl
1-cup liquid measure
mixing spoon
hand beater or electric mixer
rubber scraper
6 dessert glasses

HOW TO MAKE IT:

1. Dissolve gelatin in boiling water. Add orange juice.
2. Chill until slightly thickened; then whip with hand beater or electric mixer until fluffy and thick, about double in volume.
3. Spoon into dessert glasses; chill.
4. Garnish with halved orange slices, decorated with cloves and maraschino cherries, if desired. Makes 4 cups or 6 servings.

It's never too early to start 'em garnishing, folks.

Though not specified, the rubber scraper is clearly for getting the whip into the dessert glasses.

Notice that there's only 1 3/4 cups of liquid going into this recipe -- 1/4 cup less than you'd expect for a 3-oz. package of Jell-O brand gelatin. Odds are this is just so that if it were to set it would set thicker ... and the thicker thickness gives more structure to the whip. More liquid, and it wouldn't stay as fluffy.

I'm not saying that you couldn't try. Or that you might not want to take out shot or two of water and replace it with, say, vodka or rum. Fluffy Jell-O shots sound delightfully strange.

At that point, though, you'd have to get rid of the ♥ -- we're all for the alcohol here, but not for the pre-school set.

Amazing Magical Jell-O Desserts: Puddin' Pops

There are only a very few cookbooks on my shelves that are from my childhood, and even fewer that are actually the original copy I grew up with, and then there's one, one special one that is an original copy of a cookbook I grew up with that was chock full of recipes I could make, all by myself, right from the start. That book is the winner of the Facebook poll: Amazing Magical Jell-o Desserts: 72 Gelatin & Pudding Recipes Your Kids Will Enjoy (General Food Corporation, 1977).

If you all were hoping for scary molded salads, you're out of luck. This book is all about things that won't freak out the kids. No cabbage. No fish. Nothing called "aspic." Instead, there's lots of single-serving snacks and desserts (and a few pies for the whole family), all rated by difficulty.

Some of the Jell-o brand gelatin and pudding recipes are very easy to make and preschoolers can do them under supervision. These are marked with a ♥ so that you will be able to spot them right away. Other recipes are a little more challenging and will appeal to the interests of older children. These are marked with a ♦. And when you see a ★, you'll know that these recipes are for children with more cooking skills. But none of the recipes is hard; none makes use of any bowl or mold or cutter that you don't have right now in your kitchen. And, best of all, each recipe is fun and delicious.

I'll say.

Our first recipe for the week is one that I always wanted to make and never quite did right. I have an impulse control problem when it comes to a bowl of perfectly-edible-all-by-itself pudding, it seems; it never lasted long enough to get in cups and get frozen.

♥ Puddin' Pops

THESE GO IN:
1 package (4-serving size) Jell-O brand instant pudding and pie filling, any flavor
2 cups cold milk or half and half

GET THESE READY:
2-cup liquid measure
small mixing bowl
hand beater or electric mixer
rubber scraper
six 5-ounce paper cups
6 wooden sticks or plastic spoons, foil or wax paper

HOW TO MAKE IT:

1. Prepare pudding mix with milk as directed on package for pudding. Pour into six 5-ounce paper cups.
   
2. Insert wooden stick or plastic spoon into each for a handle. Press a square of aluminum foil or wax paper down onto pudding to cover, piercing center of foil square with handle.
   
3. Freeze until firm, at least 5 hours.
   
4. Press firmly on bottom of cup to release pop. Serve plain or dip in melted chocolate and sprinkles, if desired. Makes 6 pops.
   To melt chocolate: Combine 1/2 cup Baker's chocolate flavor baking chips and 2 tablespoons water in a saucepan and cook and stir until chocolate is melted and mixture is smooth.

Oh, yes. Homemade pudding (excuse me...puddin') pops! A delight on any day, but especially in the hot summer time.

About the only thing I'd change about this is the instructions on how to make the chocolate coating. You in no way need to have your preschooler thinking about a sauce pan. Melt your chocolate in the microwave -- it's easier, it won't seize up on you, and it's much easier all around. You also don't need to use "chocolate flavor" anything. Use some real chocolate.

You deserve it.

Bagdad Hash: Classic Scary Casserole

Thanks to you all who voted on Facebook, today's Favorite Recipes from Caldwell, Idaho recipe is....a scary casserole!

Bagdad Hash
Laura Hadley
Star, Idaho

1 c. diced celery
1 c. diced onion
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 can water
1 (5 1/2 oz.) can chow mein noodles
3 or 4 oz. cashews
1 can tuna
Crushed potato chips on top

Bake for 1 hour at 350° in 2-quart dish.

This, folks, is what I think of when I think of a casserole. Heck, it's what I think of when I think of chow mein noodles, too (though butterscotch haystacks come swiftly afterwards). Cans of stuff, mixed with fried crunchy things. I particularly appreciate the fact that we get two fried crunchy things in this recipe (the noodles and the chips).

You could fancy this up if you want. Two cups of your own homemade cream of mushroom soup (or cream of celery soup, or cream of chicken soup, or what have you) would be lovely. Softening up the onion and celery before putting it in the gloop would be nice. Buttered and herbed breadcrumbs instead of potato chips would add an air of cassoulet.

But sometimes, you're just in the mood for simple, comforting, slightly scary casseroles, and Laura Hadley has you covered.

Not sure why Bagdad is spelled Bagdad and not Baghdad here. Moreover, I'm not sure why I'm at all surprised by the fact that a dish that clearly has nothing whatsoever to do with Baghdad is spelled differently.

This wraps up our tour through Favorite Recipes from Caldwell, Idaho -- starting tomorrow, we'll dive into one of these cookbooks:

• Chop Suey
  A Collection of Simplified Chinese Recipes Adapted for the American Home Chop Suey A Collection of Simplified Chinese Recipes Adapted for the American Home by Mei-Mei Ling
• Mader's: Recipes of Continental Europe
  from Milwaukee's famous German restaurant
• Amazing Magical Jell-o Desserts
  from the fine folk at General Foods
• NAHC Wild Game Cookbook, 1988
  from the North American Hunting Club, "celebrating North America's hunting youth"

You can vote over in the Facebook poll if we're friends there, or you can leave a comment with your preference here in the comments. If you're bummed out that we didn't get to Norwegian meatballs this week, you should know: NAHC has a venison Norwegian meatball recipe. It also has moose pot roast.

Blotkake: A Special Occasion Layer Cake

Yesterday, I slapped a poll up on Facebook asking which of three recipes from Favorite Recipes from Caldwell, Idaho should be posted today. This one won by a landslide, but never fear: the second place one will go up tomorrow, too, as I run yet another poll on Facebook asking which cookbook I should feature next. Without further ado:

Bløtkake (A Special Occasion Layer Cake)
Mrs. Bjorn Friling

1 1/4 c. sifted cake flour
2 tsp. double-acting baking powder
6 egg yolks
3/4 c. granulated sugar
6 egg whites
3 squares German's sweet cooking chocolate
3/4 c. margarine or butter
1 1/4 c. confectioners sugar
2 eggs
2 c. heavy cream

Make, then freeze, several days ahead as follows: 1. Heat oven to 325°. Line bottoms of three 9-inch layer cake pans with waxed paper. Sift cake flour with baking powder. 2. In small bowl, with mixer at high speed, beat egg yolks with granulated sugar until light. In large bowl, beat egg whites stiff. Fold in yolks and flour. Pour into pans. Bake 15 minutes or until golden. Cool on racks. Remove and freeze in paper. 3. Early in the day to be used: Thaw cakes at room temperature for 1 hour. Meanwhile, with knife, shred chocolate; reserve 1/4 cup. Also, in small bowl, with electric mixer at high speed, with electric mixer at high speed, mix butter with confectioners sugar. Then beat in 2 eggs until creamy. Refrigerate this butter cream. 4. On serving plate, place 1 layer, bottom side up. top with 1/2 of butter cream, then half of shredded chocolate. Set second layer in place, top as before; place third layer. 5. Whip cream; frost cake with some and decorate with rest. Garnish with reserved chocolate. Refrigerate immediately until served.

Say it with me now: BUTTER, not margarine. Use butter.

Now, if you've Googled "bløtkake," as I have, you might be surprised to see that there's not a single berry used in this cake. It's still legit! It seems that bløtkake is sort of catch as catch can in Norway. Use what you have, and what you like. Love marzipan? Cover the whole thing in Marzipan. Blueberries in season? Go to town with blueberries! The chocolate is pretty darned optional.

Chocolate lovers, be at ease: you can use chocolate and berries, if you like. Perhaps some lovely raspberries or sliced strawberries?

Mrs. Frilling also contributed her Norwegian Meat Balls recipe -- that's Kjøttkaker for you Norwegian speakers, or those who like the excuse to use a slashed ellipse in a blog post. That recipe is currently in the running for tomorrow's bonus post -- it's up against Bagdad (sic) Hash, which is a casserole with both canned chow mein noodles and crushed potato chips. Either way, we'll wrap up our time with Favorite Recipes from Caldwell, Idaho on a savory note.

Seasons Change: Hot Buttered Rum

Today's recipe might seem like a strange choice for the middle of August. But here's the thing: the seasons are changing. Sunset is at 8 PM here in DC, and won't be this late again until April. April! We are officially getting closer to the time when I won't have to say "well, it does have ice cream in it, so that's kind of summery..." to justify this Favorite Recipes from Caldwell, Idaho recipe.

Hot Buttered Rum
Dave Keuneman

Batter:
1 qt. vanilla ice cream
1 lb. brown sugar
1 lb. soft butter

Cream together. Keep refrigerated.

Drink (per cup):
2 heaping tsp. batter
1 oz. rum
6 oz. boiling water

Aaaaaah, hot buttered. The ice cream is a relatively recent addition to the hot buttered arsenal, but I'll tell you -- it's a great addition. If you're mixing this up the day you're going to use it, then the fridge is fine, but otherwise, store this in the freezer. The sugar and butter will help keep the ice cream soft enough to scoop out a big ol' spoonful when you feel a hankering for a hot buttered.

Yes, hot buttered, full stop. As a not-at-all-legal-to-drink kid, I loved a mug of hot buttered...water. It's really quite tasty. It's warm, and milky, and sweet, and spicy.

Spicy. Because of the spices. You know, those spices Mr. Keuneman left out of the recipe. You have two options here: You can use spiced rum with this unspiced batter, or you can add in, say, a tablespoon of cinnamon and a teaspoon or two of nutmeg. There is a third option, come to think of it: spice up the batter and used spiced rum.

Dave is one of only two men who have recipes in Favorite Recipes from Caldwell, Idaho -- Mike Neher has a duck with sauerkraut recipe that also has me yearning for wool-wearing weather. (Simple, really. Basically, it's "stuff a duck with a jar of kraut, and roast it.")

I suggest you make up a double batch of the hot buttered batter, and divvy it up into several quasi-disposable plastic food storage containers (oh, fine...I mean GladWare) and have them on hand for hostess gifts, cookie exchanges, neighbors who shoveled your walk for you, and so forth. It's a great thing to have, it's a great thing to share.

As much as I like making this myself, the best hot buttered rum in the world is at the Clapp Family 23rd Party, an annual caroling party back in my home town. Great people. Great pot luck. Fabulous singing. And a never-ending supply of hot buttered.

Homemade Hootch: Grape Wine

Yesterday, we talked about infusing cheap vodka to make more upscale booze, and, boy, did y'all come running. So, today, we'll look at another DIY hootch recipe from Favorite Recipes from Caldwell, Idaho:

Grape Wine

24 oz. frozen grape juice (undiluted)
1/4 cake soft yeast
4 c. sugar

Stir together with water to fill 1 gallon jug. Place a balloon on the mouth of gallon jug. Let mixture stand in a dark place 3-4 weeks.

What, none of the fine Caldwell Jay-C-Ettes wanted to put her name on Grape Wine? Tsk.

The balloon is your fermentation lock; it lets gas build-up out without letting bacteria in. Other sources for more, shall we say, complicated brewing methods, recommend pricking the balloon with a pin a few times. If the balloon starts swelling and you're worried, disinfect a pin and gently poke. Why not?

Let's talk yeast. It's a pretty safe assumption that they're calling for a 2 oz. cake. Fresh yeast can be a bit hard to find. Fret not: you can substitute other yeasts. Use one package of active dry yeast or instant yeast. It's not a perfect substitute, portion-wise, as it's more like 1/3 of a yeast cake, but you'll be okay.

This is not going to be nuanced -- you're using grape juice from the freezer case, after all. That being said, use quality ingredients, and meticulously clean vessels, and you'll have something drinkable, and the method is a lot less scary than making kvass.

Coffee Liquor: Kaluha

Cheap vodka is cheap vodka, but cheap vodka artfully and easily infused with other stuff is sublime. Sometimes, it even resembles Things With Brand Names. Favorite Recipes from Caldwell, Idaho has a great Thing That Resembles A Thing With A Brand Name, and a near-miss spelling that winks at indiscretion.

Kaluha
Darlene Perry

Boil 2 cups sugar and 1 cup water for 5 minutes. Remove from heat. Dissolve 6 teaspoons Yuban instant coffee, 2 teaspoons vanilla. Then add to sugar water. After it has cooled for a while, add a fifth of vokda (any kind) and 2 teaspoons of glycerin (buy at drug store). Mix well. Pour in half-gallon jar and drink, drink, drink and be merry.

Oh, Darlene Perry. You're our kind of people (not to mention our kind of recipe writer/digressor). I love the brand specificity of the instant coffee. Apparently, they still make Yuban though I'm much more likely to stock Starbucks VIA
in my pantry. I should clarify here -- I love that the only brand specificity here is for the Yuban. The vodka is rail, and the drink, well...the drink can't spell.

I've had this. I've made this. This is tasty. Great in coffee or cocoa, great mixed into milk, great poured over ice cream, great on the rocks. Easy to make, cheap, and tasty. If you're a-okay with alcohol, give this one a try.

[E.T.A.: You can order glycerine through Amazon (and, I'm assuming, other online vendors) these days. Why do you want it in your liquor? It rounds out the mouth feel and takes off any harsh edges to your cheap booze).]


Biographical note time: I will have to check with Aunt Robbi, but I'm betting that Darlene Perry is really Joy Darlene Willmorth Perry, who died in 2008. This is from her obituary:

In 1983, she changed careers and became the Children's Librarian at Caldwell Public Library. Her next 15 years at the Library were the happiest of her working life. She retired from the library in 1998, but never ceased to think of libraries, especially Caldwell's, as magical places. This love of libraries and books has been passed on to her children and grandchildren.

Joy was an avid reader. Any conversation with her would inevitably include the question, "Read anything good lately?"

Yes, yes we have. And, if the Kaluha Ms. Perry is the Library Ms. Perry, well, then...I met her. I know that library; Aunt Robbi worked there. And, frankly, if I were running the summer reading program at the Caldwell Public Library in the mid-80s, I might be coming up with some nice concoctions to mark the end of a long, hard day, too. (The summer reading program is going on right now, folks -- there's still time.) If there is or was another Darlene Perry in Caldwell, with ties to my aunt, I'd love to give proper attribution -- but I'm not sorry I found out about Joy. I must have spoken with her several times, but now I know something about her.

Drink, drink, drink and be merry.